KEEPING HEALTHY MENTAL HEALTH HEALTHY volume three

ENJOYING AND ENRICHING PERSONAL MENTAL HEALTH
TO CONTRIBUTE TO LIVING THE ABUNDANT LIFE

volume three of KEEPING YOUR MENTAL HEALTH HEALTHY

Stephen D. ZoBell, PhD

In volume one of KEEPING YOUR MENTAL HEALTH HEALTHY I wrote:

This part of my blog is for those who are functioning well regarding mental health or who may have mild problems.  Instead of ignoring mental health issues, why not prevent potential challenges? or do what you can to make yourself more fully functional?  Enjoy life to the fullest.  If you have mental and emotional strength, why not reach out and help others?   Here are some ideas that may help.

Volume one includes points 1-5

Volume two, includes points 6-9

This volume, Volume three includes points 10-13

Following is a continuation of KEEPING YOUR MENTAL HEALTH HEALTHY

10.  balancing ANALYSIS and SYNTHESIS

11. balancing the POWER of SELF-TALK and the POWER of IMAGINATION

12.  OFFENDERS, VICTIMS AND sAVIORS

13.  HELPING OTHERS and HOW TO HELP

10.  balancing ANALYSIS and SYNTHESIS 

Analysis:  to analyze something we examine it, we may take it apart.  Typically we evaluate it for past performance.  To scrutinize something we may have to partially or totally dismantle it, or stop it in its process long enough to take a close look at it.  We analyze in order to determine if the thing being analyzed is performing according to the standards that we expect.  We look for problems, so they can be fixed, so performance of the thing analyzed can be improved.  Often the question WHY? is asked while we analyze.  Why was it put together this way? Why is this thing that we are analyzing not working correctly?  Why did it break?  Why did we put it together the way we did?  Why is it there in the first place.  During analysis we may also evaluate the purpose of that which is analyzed. Analysis is an important part of keeping the world going.  It is important, in our own lives, to analyze our functioning, including mental and emotional aspects.

Synthesis:  to synthesize means we combine different things to make something new.  We synthesize regularly in our day to day lifestyles.  A home maker combines various ingredients to make something different:  a cake.  Children combine building blocks to make something different:  a castle.  A business person combines staff, materials, ideas and marketing to get something different: a product that sells. And so on.  Synthesis is an act of creation.  To synthesize we must first know what we want and then develop a plan on how to get it.  So the questions asked in synthesis are:  WHAT? and HOW?   It is important in our lives, to synthesize, build and develop our functioning, including mental and emotional aspects.

In my years of practice in the mental health profession, I have found that the majority of individuals who I help, tend to over emphasize analysis to the detriment, and sometimes to the exclusion of synthesis.  Too much analyzing of mental/emotional circumstances, too much asking why? why? why? can lead to taking self apart, self criticism, discomfort with self, aggravation, negative thinking, stagnant approaches to life leading to potential damaging and possibly destructive results.  To find out what is 'wrong' through analysis is only helpful if we use the information to make things 'right.'  In other words, analysis is only helpful if it ultimately leads to the creation/synthesis of solutions.

My approach with people in helping them to deal with their mental/emotional issues is to focus more on WHAT they want and HOW they will get what they want rather than focusing heavily on what they DON'T want in the form of analyzing too much.  It is helpful to put analysis in the right context. That context is to help find purpose and then to determine why things are not working well with mental/emotional issues as a lead to creating solutions.  Helpful proportions would be about 20% of time spent on analysis (WHY?) of mental/emotional functioning and about 80% focusing on synthesis:  WHAT is wanted and HOW to achieve what is wanted.

For example, rather than overemphasizing the analytical questions:

why am I so depressed?  or   

why am I angry?    or   

why can't I deal with my anxiety?

and other similar questions

it would be more profitable to ask

what do I want from myself mentally/emotionally?

how can I work towards what I want?


It takes practice to work on synthesizing positive and constructive thoughts and emotions, but it can be done.  THERE IS HOPE!!  The task is easier if ANALYSIS and SYNTHESIS are kept in a reasonably helpful balance.

Analysis	Synthesis
Take apart, examine, evaluate	Put together, create
Backward in time	Forward in time
Why?	What?  How?
Focus on what’s wrong	Focus on what will be right
Too much becomes criticism	Too much becomes purposeless growth
20%	80%

11. balancing the POWER of SELF-TALK 

and 

the POWER of IMAGINATION

In many instances, we talk ourselves into our success or we talk ourselves into our misery….but only......

......if self talk is consistent and focused will it mobilize passions, desires, imagination, internal and external resources, determinations and the tenacity to get results: 

 it takes mental discipline and mental effort

No power comes from muttering or wishful ramblings— 

the self talk must be approached with serious confident effort

remember THE LITTLE ENGINE THAT COULD

DESCRIBE WHAT YOU WANT? in specific terms, within the boundaries of your values and standards

specifically HOW ARE YOU GOING TO GET WHAT YOU WANT?

IN YOUR MIND, IMAGINE SPECIFICALLY WHAT YOU WANT

HOW CAN YOU TALK YOURSELF INTO GETTING WHAT YOU WANT?

HOW CAN YOU VIVIDLY IMAGINE THE END RESULT AND THE STEPS YOU NEED TO TAKE?

DESIGN AND WRITE DOWN SPECIFIC POSITIVE SELF TALK 

and

POWERFULLY IMAGINE THE END RESULT THAT YOU WANT TO ACHIEVE

BE AWARE OF POTENTIAL NEGATIVE AND DISTRACTING SELF TALK 

then

REPLACE NEGATIVE SELF TALK WITH POSITIVE SELF TALK






BE AWARE OF NEGATIVE INTERFERING MENTAL DISTRACTIONS 

then


REPLACE UNWANTED MENTAL DISTRACTIONS WITH THE IMAGINED RESULTS THAT YOU WANT


MOVE ONE STEP AT A TIME TOWARDS WHAT YOU WANT

goals must be SPECIFIC, REALISTIC, DOABLE, REASONABLE and in line with personal standards

EXAMPLES OF INDIVIDUALS WHO ACHIEVED GREAT THINGS WHILE FACING OBSTACLES:

LOOK FOR EXAMPLES OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE FACED SERIOUS OBSTACLES AND HAVE PUT FORTH EFFORT TO ACHIEVE INCREDIBLE RESULTS.  PEOPLE WHO DEFINED WHAT THEY WANTED AND THEN MOVED FORWARD ON THE PATH OF HOW TO ACCOMPLISH IT.  

YOU CAN FIND EXAMPLES OF ATHLETES, POLITICIANS, MEDICAL PRACTITIONERS, EXPLORERS, INVENTORS, PUBLIC/CHURCH LEADERS, MUSICIANS, HOMEMAKERS, MOTHERS, FATHERS, GRANDPARENTS, ARTISTS, BUSINESS PEOPLE, RESEARCHERS, ASTRONOMERS, FIRE FIGHTERS, SAILORS, DESIGNERS, LAWYERS, MANAGERS, LABORERS, FILM PRODUCERS, WRITERS, IMMIGRANTS AND ON AND ON.  YOU MIGHT EVEN FIND EXAMPLES OF SUCH HEROIC FEATS IN YOUR OWN FAMILY.

HOW DID THEY ACHIEVE GREAT THINGS AGAINST DIFFICULT ODDS?

ALL OF THEM FOLLOWED A SIMILAR PROCESS OF USING SELF TALK AND IMAGINATION.

1.  THEY ALL APPROACHED THEIR GOALS BY BEING SPECIFIC ABOUT WHAT THEY WANTED

2.  THEN THEY IMAGINED THE END RESULT

3.  THEN THEY STARTED TOWARDS THEIR GOAL ONE STEP AT A TIME

4.  THEN THEY STARTED TALKING THEMSELVES INTO THE ACCOMPLISHMENT

5.  THEN THEY WERE CONFRONTED WITH OBSTACLES

6.  THEN THEY MORE VIVIDLY AND CONCISELY AND WITH GREAT FOCUS INCREASED THE POWER OF

 THEIR IMAGINATION AND CONTINUED TALKING THEMSELVES INTO MOVING TOWARDS THEIR 

GOALS.  


7.  CONSISTENT AND FOCUSED SELF TALK CAN GENERATE A GREAT DEAL OF POWER.



IF THEY COULD USE THESE PROCESSES IN THEIR LIVES TO ACHIEVE THEIR DREAMS AND GOALS THEN YOU COULD ALSO USE SIMILAR PROCESSES IN YOUR LIFE TO ACHIEVE YOUR RIGHTEOUS DREAMS AND GOALS

HERE IS A FORMULA THAT MIGHT WORK IN YOUR LIFE

1.  CLEARLY AND CONCISELY IDENTIFY WHAT YOU WANT TO ACHIEVE, MAKE SURE IT IS IN THE

      BOUNDS OF STANDARDS AND VALUES PROMOTED BY THE CHURCH


2.  WRITE WHAT YOU WANT TO ACHIEVE AND HOW YOU WILL GET IT


3.  USE POSITIVE SELF TALK TO MOBILIZE YOUR IMAGINATION AND PASSION TO FOCUS ON   

     ACHIEVING WHAT YOU WANT 


4.  BEGIN WORKING TOWARDS WHAT YOU WANT TO ACCOMPLISH.  TAKE THE FIRST STEP, THEN 

     MOVE FORWARD ONE STEP AT A TIME.  BUT KEEP APPLYING YOUR IMAGINATION AND YOUR 

     SELF TALK


5.  WHEN OBSTACLES OR OPPOSITION ARISE, INCREASE THE SELF TALK TO KEEP YOURSELF MOVING

     TOWARDS WHAT YOU WANT AND USE IT OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND MAKE THE

     IMAGINATION MORE POWERFUL AND FOCUSED


6.  WHEN COUPLED WITH A POWERFUL AND FOCUSED IMAGINATION SELF TALK  CAN BECOME THE 

     HOW TO ACHIEVE THE RESULTS THAT YOU WANT

12.  OFFENDERS, VICTIMS AND sAVIORS

Possible ways that the Atonement of the Savior can be applied to our mental and emotional well being:

On the deep level of our spirits, the Atonement of Jesus Christ can provide opportunities to enjoy high qualities of mental and emotional health.  I will focus on three areas, among the many, in which the Atonement can bless our lives:

1.       The Atonement can free us from the mental/emotional agony of our own sins if we repent fully and completely.  When we are offenders we have been involved in wrongful thoughts, feelings and behaviors that have hurtful and painful consequences to ourselves.  Other people can also be caused pain and discomfort due to our sinning.  Having a complete understanding of how we have offended God, ourselves and others through our sins, having godly sorrow and understanding of how others have been damaged because of what we have done, is the starting point to free us of the agony of sin.  Then we must take this understanding to the Lord, submit totally to Him, and through godly sorrow and great effort on our part, plead for His forgiveness and to make changes and become free of the burden of our sins.  Being free from this agony can contribute to more full and complete enjoyment of our personal mental and emotional circumstances. 

2.       The Atonement can also heal us when, through no fault of our own, we have come to pain or distress.  Sometimes we can incur pain from others when they sin, sometimes systems and organizations in our society can create pain in us, but sometimes our discomfort, discouragement or disappointments come as a result of life.  We are promised that the Savior has come with healing in His wings.  If we sincerely ask for healing, with a believing heart, our mental and emotional anguish that is NOT the result of our own sinning, can be diminished. Or we can be strengthened with the ability to carry the burdens and face the trials.  Either way, healing and strengthening is important to increasing our ability to enjoy our mental and emotional aspects.

3.       Once we are relatively free of sin, or moving in that direction, and once we are moving in the direction of healing, we are then more free to become small ‘s’ saviors in God’s Kingdom.  His work and glory is in helping His children to progress.  Because of the Atonement of the Savior we have the opportunity to enrich our lives by serving and helping others.  We can then live the abundant life. Thoughts and feeling of joy, happiness, fulfillment, hope and charity can begin to be part of our mental and emotional experiences.

So, in summary, if we are offenders we can repent.  If we are victims we can ask for healing. As we become more free of sin and pain, and strengthened to carry our burdens, then we have more energy and freedom to help others in the way our Savior would want us to serve.  Under His direction we can be small ‘s’ saviors.

In this way, mental and emotional functioning can become more enriched, more whole and more enjoyable.  Through the Atonement our mental and emotional functioning can bring increases of joy, peace, satisfaction and happiness.  We can live our lives and live them more abundantly.  A major part of the abundant life is to serve and bless the lives of others.

WHEN WE ARE IN THE STATE OF:	THE ATONEMENT IS AVAILABLE FOR:	WE CAN ACCESS THE ATONEMENT BY:	WE CAN ENJOY THE FOLLOWING RESULTS:
Being an offender	our sins Alma 7:13	complete repentance	freedom from sin forgiveness of our sins
Being a victim or subjected to the human condition	our pains, our afflictions, our temptations, our sicknesses, our infirmities,   Alma 7:11,12  our grief, sorrow and rejections Mosiah 14:3,4	believing and sincerely asking for healing make a list of the specific damage and in prayer specifically ask for specific healing on the 'point of pain'	the healing that is granted, stronger resolve to help us endure, understanding of the purpose of struggles, a more eternal view, strength to carry our burdens
Being a small ‘s’ savior	our opportunity to live life more abundantly John 10:10	with help from the Holy Ghost, making plans to serve God’s children in His way with good cheer, and with a generous, kind appreciative heart	empowered to serve, ability to make a gospel difference in the life of another and, personally, to live life more abundantly

13.  HELPING OTHERS and HOW TO HELP

Part of maintaining stability in mental and emotional health, and even rising above stability to experience higher levels of the abundant life, requires reaching out to and assisting others who may be in some level of difficulty, mental/emotional difficulty or otherwise.

Before trying to assist others who are mentally/emotionally distressed, it is important to ensure that they want help.  Usually this comes by asking, but as helpers we could risk offering assistance.  We have to be sensitive to the other individual, and have a degree of security in our own well being, in order to help others.

Is the person you are trying to help in a state of readiness to be assisted?

Does the person have a desire to be helped?

Is the person willing to make changes in his or her mental and emotional functioning?

Does the person have some degree of determination to believe, think and act differently?

Does the person have hope for healing or change, to relieve them of emotional/mental distress?

A CONTRIBUTING FACTOR TO STRENGTHENING MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL HEALTH

 IS TO BE CONSIDERATE OF OTHERS, PARTICULARLY THOSE WHO ARE LESS

 FORTUNATE.  SINCERELY PUTTING FORTH EFFORT TO HELP THE POOR AND NEEDY

 WILL STRENGTHEN MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL WELL BEING FOR BOTH THE HELPER

 AND THE PERSON BEING HELPED.

Helping the poor and the needy

Stephen ZoBell

1.       The importance of ‘the one’, pray for them, remember their mother’s prayers.

2.       vite people to the Savior, honor the keys of authority and the authority of those who are in charge, move people along their path of progression to make and keep covenants

3.       Foster self reliance and encourage service to others

4.       King Benjamin:  to ensure a remission of our sins from day to day we help the poor and the needy according to their WANTS.  Mosiah 4:26 

5.       We help the poor and needy for our own salvation.

6.       verty is the extent that a person goes without resources (not just financial).  Poverty can be poor in ideas, poor in emotions, poor in behaviors, poor in managing mental aspects.

7.       ke people from the culture of poverty into a culture of gospel thinking.  When those in poverty are trying to move forward, they find themselves in an arena where they are unfamiliar with the hidden rules.  We must learn to understand people in terms of the hidden rules that govern their lives and help them to learn a new set of rules and language to fit their new circumstances.

8.       The poor face the tyranny of the moment, in other words, the need to act to deal with immediate needs overwhelms any willingness for people in povery to learn new ways or new processes.

9.       We are all poor in some respect, so this will contribute to our understanding of others.

10.    People change because of:  the influence of others, a specific mentor, an epiphany, pain, hope

11.   Do not speak derogatorily, behind their backs, about those we help, appreciate their cultural hidden rules, appreciate humor, always use the adult voice, be aware of your own hidden rules, teach hidden rules of the new culture, seek first to understand, keep promises, apologize when necessary, identify options and resources, instill hope, encourage, befriend unconditionally.

KING BENJAMIN TELLS US HOW TO ACT IN RELATION TO GOD AND OTHERS

1.        Give thanks to God

2.       Keep your orientation towards the temple

3.       Open your hearts, ears and minds to have the mysteries of God unfolded to you

4.       Do not seek riches except to help others

5.       Labor to serve your fellow beings

6.       Realize you are nothing without God

7.       Beware of contention and avoid it

8.       emember the example of Jesus Christ—there is no other way to salvation but through Him and He has all power

9.       pent of any issue that may be considered the ‘natural man’, anything that would repulse the Spirit, and be blameless before God

10.   Do not injure another person

11.   Do not judge another person who is in dire circumstances but give according to their wants however do this in wisdom

12.   Recognize that you, like the person you are helping, are a beggar before God, totally dependent on His mercy.  Those you are helping are totally dependent on your mercy.

13.   Watch yourselves.  Be very careful in how you proceed before God

CAUTIONS ABOUT HELPING OTHERS

Only those with professional credentials, in a professional setting, are qualified to offer professional mental/emotional assistance to others.  Often, mental/emotional problems are so difficult, that non professionals would do better in referring the person being assisted to those who can offer more technical methods of helping.  But this does not mean that we cannot offer support to our friends and family who struggle with less intense mental/emotional challenges.  It does mean that we should proceed with caution, keep boundaries correct and avoid purporting to help when we do not have the ability.  However, sometimes kindness, caring and compassion, coupled with honest feedback and suggestions, can go a long way in assisting others.  If you are not qualified professionally, you can still be an agent of hope for those around you. Following are some ideas to reflect on, as you are trying to assist someone who is struggling with mild to moderate mental/emotional health challenges.  Make sure to guide the severe and emergency problems to professional resources.

HELPING OTHERS

BASICS

1.   We all have our agency and are responsible for what we decide.

2.   Life is extremely complex.

3.   Life’s complexity, coupled with agency usually brings challenges, trials and potential problems.

4.   Problems can be solved, and the power is within us to do so. (D&C 50)

5.   In helping others, help them to regain or maintain their self-reliance and their dignity. 

6.   Those who struggle with mental/emotional challenges differ from 'normal' people in the duration and intensity of their problems.  We all have similar issues.

7.   Environment does not make the person.

8.   If men do not comprehend the character of God, they do not comprehend themselves.  (Joseph Smith Jr.).  It is important to seek God's help to enhance our understanding and ability to help.
9.   Each person is unique and has a unique story
10.  Wanting to succeed, some people learn the patterns of failure
11.  Patterns of failure can be replaced by patterns of success.
12.  To the degree possible, each person has responsibility for self care and for mental/emotional well being.

SOME SYMPTOMS OF MENTAL/EMOTIONAL CHALLENGES

1.   Consistent struggle with low self image and low confidence levels.

2.   Trying to cope using evasiveness, manipulation or withdrawal.

3.   Emotional pain, mental anguish.

4.   Extremes and vacillation between being dependent or independent on others or on systems.

5.   Depression and/or anxiety.

6.   Desperation.

7.   Criticism; negative thoughts.

8.   Out of control behavior.
9.   Loneliness.
10.  Feeling a loss of power and diminished ability to manage thoughts and emotions.
11.  Large degrees of uncertainty, fear, hopelessness.

SOME CAUSES OF MENTAL/EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS

1.   Lack of knowledge of self and ideas about mental/emotional self help
2.   Limited time spent on responsibility to self
3.   Severed relationships with others
4.   Lack of mental emotional skills
5.   Limited motivation
6.   Avoidance of personal challenges
7.   Subjected to excessively high stress
8.   Unwilling to subject self to laws that govern mental/emotional well being

UNDERSTANDING AND SENSITIVITY TO THOSE BEING HELPED

1.   Understand the person you are helping in terms of his or her reasons.

2.   Ask permission to help and to ask questions.

3.   Look for trends.

4.   Help the person to get their own understanding and insight to the problems being faced.
5.   Listen.  Listen to understand.  Feedback, to the person. your understanding.
6.   See the person as a human soul, a child of God.


ATTRIBUTES OF THE HELPER

1.   Listen with understanding.  Offer kindness and encouragement
2.   Refrain from condemning.
3.   Exercise patience as the person thinks through the issues.
4.   Show forth warmth, acceptance and a desire to help by encouraging.
5.   Refrain from giving advice, preaching, reacting or moralizing.
6.   When the opportunity presents itself, explain correct principles, concepts and processes                clearly.
7.   Inwardly, remain firm with principles and outwardly remain gentle with people.
8.   Recognize limitations:  we cannot be all things to all people.
9.   Sincerely believe that all problems have solutions and though we might not have the solution right now, it is somewhere and can be obtained with effort.  THERE IS HOPE!!

SOLUTIONS

1.   Help the person to assume responsibility for the problems s/he is facing.  While s/he may or not be responsible for the problem, help him or her to take responsibility for the solution.

2.   Help the person to explore alternative solutions.
3.   Explore the consequences of each alternative.

4.   Ensure that the person is making the decisions and offer input when necessary.

5.   Once decision(s) are made, help the person to develop a detailed plan.

6.   Ensure follow-up and accountability and encouragement.
7.   Promote hope.

KEEPING HEALTHY MENTAL HEALTH HEALTHY volume two

ENJOYING AND ENRICHING PERSONAL MENTAL HEALTH
TO CONTRIBUTE TO LIVING THE ABUNDANT LIFE

volume two of KEEPING YOUR MENTAL HEALTH HEALTHY

Stephen D. ZoBell, PhD

In volume one of KEEPING YOUR MENTAL HEALTH HEALTHY I wrote:

This part of my blog is for those who are functioning well regarding mental health or who may have mild problems.  Instead of ignoring mental health issues, why not prevent potential challenges? or do what you can to make yourself more fully functional?  If you have mental and emotional strength, why not reach out and help others?   Here are some ideas that may help.

Volume one includes points 1-5

This volume, Volume two, includes points 6-9

Volume three includes points 10-13


Following is a continuation of KEEPING YOUR MENTAL HEALTH HEALTHY

6.  EMPOWERING THE INDIVIDUAL

7.  PUSHING BACK ON A DOWNWARD SPIRAL

8.  BALANCED WELL BEING

9.  REPLACEMENT STRATEGIES

6.  EMPOWERING THE INDIVIDUAL

The old saying: give a man a fish and he eats for a day, but teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime can be applied to managing mental and emotional issues.

If you are dealing with personal emotional or mental challenges it is not helpful to try to get someone to tell you what to do or to do your thinking and planning for you.  Avoid asking other people to give you a fish.  Your solutions will be stronger if you formulate them yourself.  Others can be supportive and can offer consultation, provide ideas that can generate brainstorming and help you to look at numerous alternative approaches.  Ask them to teach you how to fish.

 If you are helping someone to resolve mental/emotional difficulties, then it is best to avoid telling them what to do.  The strongest approach is in coaching a person to empower personal resources, guide them to find accurate information, then encouraging them to find and apply their own solutions. Teach them a process rather then give them an answer.  You can also provide feedback regarding their approach.  But to tell a person what to do to resolve mental/emotional problems is like giving them a fish.  They may find stability for a day.  But if you teach them a process of how to find solutions and guide them through their own problem solving approaches, they will have the ability to deal with mental/emotional challenges for the rest of their life.  Then you have taught them how to fish.  Don’t give them the solution.  Give them a process that will help them to find solutions on their own.  Help them to find their own internal sources of power and how to find, sort and apply information about their mental and emotional issues.

If you are struggling with mental/emotional challenges, you will need to find power from some source.  The deepest level of power is through the Savior's Atonement.  But you will also need to make effort on your own.  Power for you can come from a number of sources.  It is important, as you move towards solutions, to maintain your self-reliance as much as possible.  See if the following process might help you to find the strength and power to manage mental/emotional issues.  Or, if you are a helper, use the following as a guide to ensure that the person you are assisting as s/he struggles through mental/emotional challenges will maintain as much dignity, self-respect and self-reliance as possible.

1.  There is POWER in examining PERSONAL STRENGTHS and PERSONAL ACCOMPLISHMENTS.  Make a list of PERSONAL ASSETS.  List your mental, emotional, physical and spiritual strengths.  There is a list of personal spiritual assets found in another post on this blog. There is POWER in your personal growth, personal progress and personal experience.  Take this power and give yourself permission to apply it to yourself.  It is already yours.  Do not discount it or be ashamed of it.  Your unique personal resources will provide answers on how to deal with mental and emotional issues.  After determining your internal resources you can then consider gathering information from external sources.

2.  There is POWER in INFORMATION.  In this day and age the problem with information is that there is too much of it.  Too much information can bog you down, get you confused, create overload. So refine your search to specific terms.  Make a written note of the information you are looking for.   Then, begin a quest to gather information about your mental/emotional challenges, both in terms of what they might be and what solutions may be applicable.  Be as specific as you can in order to stay focused.  Give yourself a time limit to gather information so you don't go off on tangents.  Keep your search within the bounds of the standards and values provided by the Church.  You may find the information that you need in a book, a pamphlet, from a consultant, a credible website, at a seminar, a church talk, from a friend or any number of places.  In order to avoid information overload, I favor one or two page handouts.  They are succinct and to the point. However you do it, find INFORMATION regarding the mental/emotional challenges that you want to solve.

3.  There is POWER in a WRITTEN TREATMENT PLAN.  The information that you gather is not your treatment plan.  Information that you gain from your search should not be immediately acted upon.  It is more helpful to consider the ideas, ponder them and think about how they may apply to your unique mental/emotional challenges and how they fit the standards and values of the Church. Then you can develop your own personalized treatment plan considering both your personal resources and the information you gained from external sources. As you develop your plan ask:  What will I do differently?  How will I think, believe, feel and act in different ways so I am no longer held back by my mental/emotional challenges?  How can I better manage my mental and emotional health?  Write down the specifics in the form of a treatment plan with brief, specific changes that you will make within the next week or so. The treatment plan will not be helpful unless the ideas written down are specific, doable and reportable.  There is information regarding treatment plans on another post of this blog.

4.  There is POWER in REPORTING.  Making an accounting for mental/emotional progress will  bring POWER to you.  It is helpful to make a report on a treatment plan about once each week.  Sometimes there is no one else to report to except yourself. If that is the case, make an honest report.  Some people are comfortable with reporting a specific mental/emotional health treatment plan to God in prayer.  Other considerations could be to report progress to a church leader, a family member, a trusted friend or a professional counselor.  But find some way of reporting.  Reporting will give you power.  It is helpful to report progress and success.  But reporting set backs and relapses may help with feedback on the treatment plan itself or indicate more effort is needed.

Sometimes it is understandable when a person needs to have someone give them a fish.  But that should be short term.  Teaching a person to fish will enable them to become more and more self reliant.  Empower the individual by teaching them the processes of managing personal mental and emotional processes.

7.  PUSHING BACK ON A DOWNWARD SPIRAL

The potential for a downward spiral in mental/emotional functioning is usually triggered when an

individual notices inconsistencies or unfairness in his or her life and has a negative reaction to them. 

Initially, the person wanted, expected and dreamed of, a high level positive result. 

However, life and all of its factors delivers something on a lower level.

When the high expectations are not delivered, the person is hurt, disappointed or embarrassed.

When more and more disappointments and unfairness arise, negative responses can occur. 

The question becomes:  what do we do when we don't get our own way, when we are hurt, disappointed or embarrassed?

It is helpful to learn to ‘push back’ on our own tendency to have negative reactions when we don't get our own way, when life doesn't deliver what we expect.  Push back on this negative inclination at the earliest possible stage.  Below is a chart outlining:  

1.  how a cascade of disaster can occur by using faulty approaches

2.  what we really need/want and

3.  how we can push back.

HOW TO PUSH BACK ON A MENTAL/EMOTIONAL DOWNWARD SPIRAL

1.        Awareness of the early onset of a downward spiral is important

2.       Once the early onset is detected, interruptions can be implemented to push back 

3.       Replacement concepts are helpful, ie, replacing negative thoughts/feelings/behaviors with their positive counterparts

HOW A CASCADE OF DISASTER CAN OCCUR?	WHAT DO I REALLY NEED   AND WANT?	HOW CAN I PUSH BACK?
INCONSISTENCY I NOTICE AN INCONSISTENCY IN MY LIFE.  SOMETHING IN MY WORLD DOES NOT FIT MY EXPECTATIONS.  I’M ON THE CUSP OF GOING POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE IN MY REACTION      this can lead to    ↓      ↓      ↓       ↓       ↓	UNDERSTANDING I NEED TO LEARN THAT LIFE IS NOT ABOUT BEING FREE OF INCONSISTENCIES, IT IS ABOUT UNDERSTANDING THE UNFAIRNESS THAT COMES MY WAY AND LEARNING TO USE HIGH LEVEL SKILLS TO DEAL WITH UNMET EXPECTATIONS	RE FRAMING I CAN LOOK AT THE INCONSISTENCY AND DISAPPOINTMENT IN A DIFFERENT WAY, RE-FRAME IT AND RECLASSIFY IT TO HAVE POSITIVE MEANING, LOOK AT IT AS A CHALLENGE TO BE OVERCOME, AN OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN AND GROW
NEGATIVE RUMINATING I TRY TO MAKE SENSE OF WHAT HAPPENED, WHY DID I NOT GET MY OWN WAY?  I COMPARE MYSELF TO OTHERS AND WONDER WHY THEY GET WHAT THEY WANT OUT OF LIFE BUT I DO NOT? this can lead to  ↓     ↓     ↓      ↓     ↓	EFFICIENT THOUGHT PROCESSES TOO MUCH ANALYZING AND RUMINATING CAN BE A WASTE OF TIME.   SO I NEED TO LEARN TO BE MORE POSITIVE AND CREATIVE IN SOLVING MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL CHALLENGES, I NEED TO BE IN CHARGE RATHER THAN LET CIRCUMSTANCES DICTATE HOW I THINK, FEEL AND ACT	POSITIVE SELF TALK I CAN LEARN TO USE POSITIVE SELF TALK TO ADDRESS ALL UNFAIRNESS AND INCONSISTENCIES IN MY LIFE.  I CAN GIVE MYSELF A POSITIVE VOICE
NEGATIVE INTERPRETATIONS I INTERPRET THESE INCONSISTENCIES IN SUCH   A WAY THAT I FEEL ALONE, HURT, DISAPPOINTED, SHAMED, EMBARRASSED, EMPTY this can lead to  ↓     ↓     ↓     ↓     ↓	HELPFUL AND POSITIVE INTERPRETATIONS I NEED TO LEARN THE SKILL OF INTERPRETING INCONSISTENCIES IN A MORE POSITIVE AND CONSTRUCTIVE WAY	KNOWLEDGE I CAN GAIN ACCURATE KNOWLEDGE ABOUT THE ETERNAL PLAN OF THE SAVIOR AND HOW I FIT IN SO THAT MY INTERPRETATIONS WILL INCLUDE PURPOSE, MEANING AND ACTING IN A LARGER CONTEXT
HARMFUL BELIEFS I START BELIEVING THAT LIFE IS UNFAIRLY PICKING ON ME, I START BLAMING OTHERS AND CIRCUMSTANCES.  I START INDULGING IN SELF PITY.  I FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF this can lead to  ↓     ↓     ↓     ↓     ↓	TRUTH I NEED TO COME FACE TO FACE WITH THE TRUTHS ABOUT MYSELF, MY PURPOSE AND WHAT I AM DOING ON THIS EARTH.  I NEED TO REALIZE THAT SELF PITY AND FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF ARE POOR STRATEGIES	ACCURATE BELIEFS I CAN QUIT FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF AND COME TO ACCEPT AND EXPERIENCE ACCURATE BELIEFS AND USE THEM TO REPLACE HARMFUL BELIEFS
ENTITLEMENT MINDSET I CONCLUDE THAT I AM ENTITLED TO FEEL GOOD IN SOME WAY.  I DESERVE COMPENSATION, APPEASEMENT AND SOOTHING this can lead to   ↓     ↓    ↓     ↓    ↓	TAKE RESPONSIBILITY I NEED TO LEARN TO ACCEPT THE FACT THAT WHEN I DO THE RIGHT THING IT MAY NOT FEEL GOOD IMMEDIATELY, I MAY NOT GET COMPENSATED OR SOOTHED IMMEDIATELY	RESIST ENTITLEMENT I CAN RESIST ENTITLEMENT AND MOVE FORWARD DOING THE RIGHT THING AT THE RIGHT TIME FOR THE RIGHT REASON AND TAKE WHATEVER CONSEQUENCES ARISE
INDULGENT APPROACH BECAUSE I AM ENTITLED, I GIVE PERMISSION TO TREAT MYSELF TO A SUBSTANCE OR AN ACTIVITY THAT WILL MAKE ME FEEL GOOD FOR THE MOMENT.  I BELIEVE THAT I DESERVE TO FEEL GOOD EVEN THOUGH I MAY BE INVOLVED IN USING HARMFUL SUBSTANCES OR ENGAGING IN HARMFUL ACTIVITIES this can lead to   ↓      ↓    ↓    ↓     ↓	BOUNDARIES I NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT ALL THINGS HAVE THEIR LIMITS AND I NEED TO BE AWARE OF BOUNDARIES IN MY LIFE	GOAL ORIENTED LIMITS I CAN LEARN ABOUT BOUNDARIES, HOW THEY WORK, WHAT LIMITS SHOULD BE IN MY LIFE AND I CAN START APPLYING THEM THROUGH GOAL SETTING, SELF CONTROL AND SELF DISCIPLINE
HABITUAL INVOLVEMENT I DEVELOP THE HABIT OF DEALING WITH INCONSISTENCIES IN MY LIFE ACCORDING TO THIS PATTERN:  NEGATIVE RUMINATIONS WHICH LEADS TO NEGATIVE INTERPRETATIONS, WHICH GENERATE HARMFUL BELIEFS, WHICH MAKE ME FEEL ENTITLED TO WRONGDOING WHICH EVENTUALLY LEADS TO INDULGENCE AND ONGOING HARMFUL HABITS.  OVER AND OVER AND OVER I USE THIS PATTERN IN MY LIFE AND EVENTUALLY I AM CAUGHT UP IN A DOWNWARD SPIRAL this can lead to ↓     ↓     ↓     ↓     ↓	HIGHER LEVEL OF PURPOSE I NEED SOMETHING MORE THAN JUST THE REPETITIVE ROUTINE AND RITUALS THAT SEEM TO RUN ME.  I NEED TO FIND HIGHER PURPOSE IN MY LIFE.  I NEED TO GET OUT OF A RUT	DREAMS, HOPES, GOALS I CAN DREAM OF HAPPIER TIMES IN MY LIFE, I CAN HOPE FOR HAPPIER TIMES IN MY LIFE AND I CAN SET SPECIFIC GOALS TO MOVE TOWARDS HAPPIER TIMES IN MY LIFE.  I CAN BELIEVE THAT THERE IS HOPE
ADDICTION ONCE THE DOWNWARD SPIRAL PROCESSES ARE INGRAINED INTO MY HABITS, I CAN EASILY BECOME ADDICTED TO A BEHAVIOR, A PERSON, OR TO A SUBSTANCE.  THEN THE ADDICTIVE BEHAVIOR   OR SUBSTANCE TAKES OVER AND I START LOSING CONTROL OF HOW I INTERPRET, BELIEVE, FEEL AND CHOOSE.  I START TO LOSE POWER OVER MY OWN LIFE	MY LIFE BACK I NEED MY LIFE BACK, I NEED MY SELF CONTROL, I NEED PURPOSE AND DIRECTION, I NEED SOMEONE TO HELP ME	SUBMISSIVE ATTITUDE I CAN SUBMIT TO GOD, I CAN SUBMIT TO AUTHORITY, I CAN SUBMIT TO THOSE WHO CAN GUIDE ME OUT OF THE TRAP I AM IN

8.  BALANCING WELL BEING

MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL FUNCTIONING ARE JUST PART OF A GREATER WHOLE.

 OTHER FACTORS IN OUR AREA OF RESPONSIBILITY CAN IMPACT OUR MENTAL

AND EMOTIONAL WELL BEING IF WE DO NOT TEND TO THEM AND KEEP THEM

RELATIVELY FREE FROM ENCUMBRANCES.  FOR EXAMPLE, IF OUR RELATIONSHIPS

 WITH OTHERS ARE STRAINED, THEN THAT STRAIN COULD HAVE A NEGATIVE

IMPACT ON OUR MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL HEALTH.  AND CONVERSELY, IF OUR

MENTAL/EMOTIONAL STATUS IS NOT WELL, THAT COULD HAVE A HARMFUL

INFLUENCE ON OUR RELATIONSHIPS.  ANOTHER EXAMPLE:  OUR PHYSICAL HEALTH

WILL IMPACT OUR MENTAL/EMOTIONAL HEALTH, AND VICE VERSA.


Below is a chart that can help you to focus on balancing issues in the area of your personal

responsibility to self.  Filling it out to the best of your ability and making effort on your goals, will

help you to maintain a balanced well being and to move forward in your life in more positive ways.

HOLISTIC GOAL SETTING
CATEGORY	OBJECTIVES and STANDARDS	LONG RANGE GOALS	SHORT RANGE GOALS	THINGS TO DO
SPIRITUAL
MENTAL
EMOTIONAL
PHYSICAL
RESPONSIBILITY  TO OTHERS
ENVIRONMENT

Stephen D. ZoBell, PhD

9.  REPLACEMENT STRATEGIES

I read a QUIT SMOKING PAMPHLET forty years ago and gained the

 following insights that can be applied to mental and emotional 

challenges:

YOU DON’T QUIT SMOKING BY QUITTING SMOKING 

YOU QUIT SMOKING BY REPLACING THOUGHTS, FEELINGS AND

BEHAVIORS THAT CONTRIBUTE TO SMOKING, WITH THOUGHTS, 

FEELINGS AND BEHAVIORS THAT CONTRIBUTE TO MORE 

PRODUCTIVE INVOLVEMENTS

The question asked in the pamphlet was:  WHAT WOULD YOU BE THINKING ABOUT AND WHAT WOULD YOU BE DOING IF YOU WEREN'T SMOKING?

This concept might be helpful if applied to mental and emotional issues.  Can negative and harmful thoughts, feelings and behaviors be replaced by more positive and productive thoughts feelings and behaviors? 

For example, could we reconstruct the statement in such a way that we read something like this?

YOU DON’T QUIT SMOKING  (substitute the unwanted or undesirable thoughts, feelings Or behaviors) BY QUITTING SMOKING  (the undesirable thoughts, feelings or behaviors)

YOU QUIT SMOKING  (those undesirable involvements) BY REPLACING THOUGHTS, FEELINGS AND BEHAVIORS THAT CONTRIBUTE  TO SMOKING (those undesirable involvements) WITH THOUGHTS, FEELINGS AND BEHAVIORS THAT CONTRIBUTE  TO MORE PRODUCTIVE INVOLVEMENTS

What would you be doing if you weren’t smoking  (engaging in unproductive thoughts feelings and behaviors)?

Below you will find a chart that may give ideas on replacing harmful habits with more productive

habits:

REPLACING HARMFUL HABITS OF THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, BEHAVIORS

WITH

HELPFUL HABITS OF THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, BEHAVIORS

HARMFUL HABIT	REPLACED BY	HELPFUL HABIT
Lack of direction		Written goals and plans
Analyze too much		Synthesize and create
Alone and lonely		Connected and aware of resources
Confused and mixed up		Clear thinking, sense of purpose
Negative attitude		Hopeful attitude
Lost		Feel a sense of identity
Negative self-talk		Positive self-talk
Stuck		Sense of progressing
Betrays covenants		Working to be loyal to covenants
Anger		Compassion
Homesick		Working to enjoy family relations
Blame		Sense of responsibility
Unfair		Sense of justice and fairness
Unhealthy relationships		Uplifting relationships
Overly competitive		Cooperative
Unbending and rigid		Willing to make positive changes
Self pity		Good cheer towards self
Selfish		Helpful towards others
Mean		Kind
Waste time		Productive
Too much fantasy		Ability to see and deal with reality
Highly anxious		Calm
Poor eating habits		Constructive eating habits
Poor hygiene		Appropriate hygiene
Rebellious to authority		Submissive to authority
Arrogant		Meek and humble
Lazy		Self starter
Critical comments		Uplifting in dialogue
Fabricate information, make up stories		Honest
Doesn’t keep commitments		High levels of integrity
Low stress tolerance		Ability to tolerate inconsistencies
Tries to manipulate others		Respects agency and choice of others
Complain		Offer gratitude
Entitlement mindset		Takes responsibility for self
Stuck in the past		Enjoying the moment and moving forward into the future

                                                                                         

ETC

PERSONAL LIST

My list of harmful habits	Can change to……	My list of helpful habits