ANGER MANAGEMENT

ANGER MANAGEMENT

Stephen ZoBell, PhD

1.      There is hope, you CAN learn to manage your anger.  Others have done it.  Study their examples and emulate them.

2.      Avoid blaming.  Take responsibility for the consequences and management of anger.  Apologize to those you have hurt.

3.       Avoid self-pity.  Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

4.      Learn triggers that initiate anger – take charge of reinterpreting triggers—they don’t need to trigger anger—they could trigger compassion or positive responses.

5.      Behind anger is usually hurt, pain, disappointment or shame.  Seek to reconcile these issues within yourself and remember the Savior´s Atonement can help with healing if you will ask.

6.      Identify angry thoughts and angry self-talk.  Replace them with thoughts of compassion and positive self-talk.  Make lists.  Keep track of your success.

7.      Identify angry behavior and replace with constructive behavior.  Make lists.  Keep track of successes.

8.      If anger is intense, use time out concepts, thought stopping processes, replacement options and/or relaxation exercises until you have calmed down.    

9.      Anger is usually accompanied with energy.  Have concrete written goals and channel the energy into productive approaches:  clean, fix, help, organize, build, serve—and keep a record of the good you do.

1    Anger is often aimed at other people and may include harsh or negative judgments or critical statements.  Learn to replace criticism with compassion and kind thoughts and words.  Keep track of the times you have succeeded.

11   In the real world, as well as in the media world, we see many who exemplify anger.  Find role models of people who can control their anger, rather than focusing on those in real life or the media who find excuses for losing their temper.

#MENTAL HEALTH 4 LDS: HOPE AND SOLUTIONS

                                                                                           

MENTAL HEALTH:  HOPE AND SOLUTIONS

Stephen ZoBell, PhD

September 2015

1.  People are complex and complicated:  spiritual, physical, chemical, relational, environmental,

mental, emotional, lifestyle.  Then add agency making people hard to define and predict.

          2.  We focus on mental health issues to learn self-management, to prepare to face future challenges, in order to understand and help others in their trials and to ensure potential faulty views don’t creep in.  Almost all General Conferences in the past 30 years have referenced, in one way or another, mental health issues.

                3.   Levels of mental health severity include: 

        FUNCTIONAL *   MILD *  MODERATE *  SEVERE *  EMERGENCY

          4.  In the scriptures, thoughts are often represented as bipolar opposites.  It is often the same with feelings.

          5.  The gospel covenants and doctrines that are centered on the Atonement of the Savior provide a strong foundation upon which to study, learn and apply the ‘how to’ of mental/emotional well being.

          6.  Mental/emotional disorders or challenges can be assessed and approached either formally or informally.

          7.  If possible it is better to prevent or deal with mental health problems early rather than ignore them until they deteriorate into serious challenges.

          8.  It is our responsibility, regarding mental/emotional health, to act rather than to be acted upon.

          9.  It is helpful to consider the individual’s spiritual resources as assets prior to finding the ‘how to’ and ‘what’ of mental health hygiene.

        

          10.  Some sources of helpful information regarding mental health may be:  books, seminars, consultation with trusted others, counseling/therapy, workshops, internet, courses/classes, personal observation/study, examples of others, recovery programs, writing:  goals/scripts/journaling.  It is a buyer beware market so any ‘how to’ should be approached carefully and considered within the context of the gospel.  Be a critical thinker not a person who criticizes what is available.

     11.  What are technical sources going to promote?:   taking charge of and responsibility for personal health care management, uniqueness of your circumstances, replacement strategies, creating solutions, managing self-talk, learning about self, learning new processes, practicing, evaluating, keep trying, never quit on self.

         12.  Analyze/agonize less and synthesize/create more regarding mental health solutions.

         13.  Focus on ‘what you want’ and ‘how to get it’ rather than spending excessive amounts of time asking ‘why did this happen?’

         14. What is your next step in developing a personal mental health hygiene program?

   15.  Remember:  THERE IS HOPE!

#Mental Health DEALING WITH MILD TO MODERATE DEPRESSION

DEALING WITH MILD TO MODERATE DEPRESSION

Stephen D. ZoBell, PhD

Depression is sadness.  The term is used frequently and can mean different things to different people.   From a psychological point of view, the concept of mild to moderate sadness or depression tends to be a symptom.  Underlying causes may include repressed anger, discouragement, disappointment, shame, error, and susceptibility to criticism from others, negative thinking patterns or purposeful withdrawal from responsibilities.  There may be medical or physiological causes that impact depressed mood.  Depression may become so severe that medication could be considered.  If depression becomes severe, it may be important to have a medical diagnosis to determine physical factors that may influence the long term low mood.  Serious depression may require short or long term use of medication so it would be helpful to consult with your physician if you are unable to manage extreme and long term low moods. 

Mild or moderate depression can often be treated without medication.  Following are approaches that may help:

           1.      learn about your moods and determine if you are able to consciously have influence over them with inner dialogue.  If you can, use self-talk to help elevate your mood in a positive direction.  Avoid dwelling on negative aspect of life.  Don’t allow others or circumstances to define you.  Take charge of defining yourself in the context of gospel parameters.

2.       If you have experienced a serious loss in your life then learn and understand the grieving process seeking assistance from a trusted other if necessary

3.       If there are obedience issues, repent of any commandments you are not keeping

4.      stay behaviorally active:  exercise, move around, limit the amount of time you are immobile, avoid excessive media use, keep your hands busy and your feet moving

5.       learn and practice thinking positive thoughts and focus self-talk on encouragement and progression.  Write positive and honest scripts for overcoming depression and practice them. 

6.       Ensure nutrition is appropriate, limit sugars and fats, eat lots of fruit and vegetables and drink adequate amounts of water.

7.       Get adequate amounts of rest, relaxation and sleep

8.       examine your environment at home, office or workplace and ensure that it is orderly and represents positive aspects of life.  Avoid arenas that are dark, negative or can trigger negative moods

9.       Ensure healthy and positive dialogue with others where you feel valued, supported and cared about and then learn to do this for others.  Serve others and show an interest in them

10.   Set specific goals but make sure that they are simple and realistic.  Keep records of your progress in all areas.  Make sure that your journal is a focus on minor successes and small positive experiences of the day

11.   Work and pray to build spiritual strengths of faith, hope and charity which offset their opposites of fear, despair and anger/contention towards others

12.   Avoid all or nothing thinking and over-generalizations

13.   Look for the positive each day and keep a journal of what you find

14.   Within appropriate bounds, learn to have fun doing your duties and enjoy a sense of humor.  As per Article of Faith 13 actively seek the good/lovely and find happy memories.

15.   If suicidal ideation comes, seek help.  Make a conscious choice to live and live well.

16.   Regardless of your skill level be creative and share your creations with others, draw happy pictures and give them to others, make a cake for someone, engage in a sport with someone

17.   Enjoy the beauties of nature and keep a journal of them

18.   Focus energy on a hobby, develop a skill or talent and share with others

19.   Sometimes depression is just a part of life’s ups and downs.  Or it can be the precursor of a spiritual experience such as the darkness Joseph Smith experienced in the Sacred Grove prior to the First Vision.  In these cases we need to learn to tolerate, endure and/or understand. 

20.   Remember, there is hope!

#Mental Health LDS IDEAS ON STRENGTHENING THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE

FOLLOWING ARE SOME BASIC METHODS OF STRENGTHENING A HUSBAND WIFE RELATIONSHIP:

1.  Consider holding regular Couple's Councils

2.  Consider some of the following ideas to understand the marriage relationship and then contribute to make a positive difference

3.  Consider taking a course or reading a book about strengthening marriage

RECOMMENDATIONS FOR

COUPLES COUNCIL

1.   Weekly for 1 to 1 ½ hours           

2.   Alternate who conducts               

3.   Open and close with prayer

4.   Have an agenda

5.   Suggested agenda topics:

                  applaud accomplishments

                  rejoice over successes                        

                  review standards and principles

                  discuss solutions to challenges

                  issues regarding children/family

                  financial discussion and planning

                  goals, hopes, dreams

                  scheduling / calendaring

                  express love and support

                  share testimonies

6.   Purpose:

                  a  unify couple

                  a  focus on covenants

                  a  commit to marriage

                  a  commit to live the law of consecration

MARRIAGE ENRICHMENT

Stephen ZoBell, PhD

FOUNDATION CONCEPTS

1.       Marriage is a priority relationship

2.      Rule of 3:  husband, wife AND relationship

3.      Second Law of Thermodynamics:  anything left unattended long enough will eventually fall apart

4.      To develop a meaningful marriage relationship a price must be paid

5.      Plan of salvation, Proclamation, Savior, covenants

WHY A MARRIAGE DETERIORATES

1.       External factors:  stress, opposition, trials

2.      Internal factors/fatal flaws:  diminished commitment and mismanagement

WHAT CAN BE DONE

1.       Don’t:  break commandments, initiate or maintain addictions, blame, feel sorry for self

2.      Focus on individual soundness to have healthy qualities to offer in the marriage relationship

3.      Philosophical backdrop:  see marriage against the back drop of the plan of salvation/exaltation

4.      Get organized:  purge, hold FHE, Couples scripture and prayer, regular Couples’ Council, planning and scheduling

5.      Define what you want from your marriage rather than focusing on what you don't want

6.      Enlarge memory through record keeping:  journals, photos, financial, agenda, calendar

7.      Using outside resources

8.      Ability to focus on the positive

9.      Media management

10.  Roles:  appropriate and inappropriate

11.  Interaction:  dating versus courtship

12.  Cooperation versus competition

13.  Humor and fun

14.  Softening and dream power

15.  GIVE YOUR SPOUSE A VOICE

16.  for more information refer to the post on this blog entitled:  presentation:  MARRIAGE ENRICHMENT

Stephen ZoBell, PhD

HOW TO DEAL WITH MILD TO MODERATE ANXIETY

DEALING WITH MILD TO MODERATE ANXIETY

Stephen D. ZoBell, PhD

1.  Those with severe anxiety may need to seek professional assistance and may need to consider medication.

2.        Panic attacks require immediate assistance.  Prolonged and ongoing they are difficult to treat and may require medication.  Mild or moderate panic attacks may require coaching to change fear based thinking, understanding triggers and how to reinterpret them, experiencing and normalizing emotions, training on relaxation skills and relearning responses to sensory and thought experiences

3.       Mild to moderate anxiety may be treated through some of the following approaches with the client taking responsibility to:

a.       Be willing to continue moving forward with duties while experiencing discomfort

b.      Focus on the ‘here and now’ and leave the past behind

c.       Anchor into the concrete world of the home, the street, houses, circumstances:  build, fix, clean, polish, lift, help with your hands.  Put your nervous energy to work.  Find a hobby, help a friend, create.

d.      Rather than asking ‘why?’ ask ‘what?’ and ‘how?’

e.      Learn and applying relaxation techniques, deep breathing, body relaxation and mind relaxation

f.        Set specific simple goals based on values and principles

g.  Replace negative, worried and pessimistic thoughts with positive, constructive and happy thoughts

h.      Trust in the religious teachings, pray for positive desires to overcome negative resistance

i.         Read uplifting material

j.        Talk to a friend, a leader, a family member

k.       Show an interest in others, get to know others

l.         Get regular aerobic exercise

m.     Bring light, hope and encouragement to others

n.      Learn to serve and to sacrifice for a cause greater than self

o.      Avoid comparing and competing with others regarding personhood

p.      Summon up courage to face fears

q.      Seek comfort through religious teachings

r.        Remember, there is hope

#Mental Health LDS IDEAS ON STRESS MANAGEMENT and RELAXATION & MEDITATION

STRESS MANAGEMENT

Stephen D. ZoBell, PhD

 Decrease harmful stressors: 

less worry

avoid trying to control others

discard harmful habits

reduce anger and fear

avoid harsh judgements, fault finding and criticism towards self and others

grieve past losses, heal former trauma, resolve past inconsistencies

home and clothing clean, safe and orderly

stay off harmful paths

avoid self pity

Strengthen resistance to stressors: 

involvement in sincere prayers and scriptures

take responsibility for self care, focus on best self, develop talents: make specific written goals

good nutrition

appropriate rest and sleep

appropriate hygiene

understand the purpose of sacrifices that are being made

positive self-talk

avoid an entitlement and indulgent mind set

regular aerobic exercise

Increase adaptability to stressors: 

consult with others:  you are never alone, develop a sense of belonging, get ideas from others

less negative response to imperfection

see the big picture (pre mortal life/earth life/next life)

appropriate humor

good cheer regardless of circumstances

charity for all

think of others and their perspective, serve and uplift them

allow others to help

forgive self and others

relaxation of body and mind

reframe negative experiences

ask what? and how? more often than why?

Keep a journal of positive and spiritual experiences

Service to others and sacrifice for a cause

RELAXATION AND MEDITATION

Stephen ZoBell, PhD

Breathing

In a relaxed position, close your eyes.

Breathe out all the way without straining.

Hold out to the count of 3—then breathe in refreshing relaxation.

Breathe out anxiety.

Breathe in relaxation.

Become aware of blinking response, breathing, shallow reaction, heart beat.

Muscle Relaxation

Mildly tighten and then deeply relax each muscle in the body.

Work in a sequential wave that goes from the feet, systematically up the body, to the head, imagining a white light as the wave.

When muscles are deeply relaxed, run another wave of white light from the feet to the head, this time focusing on nerves, bones, tendons, blood vessels, cells, tissues, and body organs.  Imagine them as being as relaxed as Jell-o.

Mind—Relaxed

Visual   Audio   Feeling   Taste   Smell

Focus on mental representations that are personally relaxing and pleasant.  Use imagery to see yourself relaxed.  See, hear, feel, taste and smell in the imagination, those things that bring a sense of well-being and relaxation.

Mind—Future Focus

Determine what you want (positive, realistic, in line with personal values, character rather than material-oriented).

Use mental representations (visual, audio, feeling, taste, smell) to imagine yourself in the process of getting what you want.

Use mental representations to image the end result.  Practice holding these images as long as possible.

Daily relaxation and meditation tends to bring integrity and balance in spiritual, mental, emotional, physical, relational and environmental factors.  This allows more resistance to stress and better skills at adapting.

#Mental Health LDS SEASONAL AFFECTIVE DISORDER (SAD)

Some approaches to offset the challenges of Seasonal Affective Disorder

SEASONAL AFFECTIVE DISORDER (SAD)

                                                                                      Stephen D ZoBell, PhD

SOME SYMPTOMS

Lack of energy                 Weakness          Lethargic               Mild depressive mood

Slow to respond              Diminished interest                      Increased negativity and critical attitude

Compromised immune system                 Excessive worry           Irritability       Sluggish

SLUGGISH causes	ACTIVE/MOTIVATED potential treatment
Start by understanding that Satan promotes darkness and despair	Build on a spiritual foundation of finding light and life through the Savior
Limited vitamin D	Vitamin D supplements--regular
Not exercising	Regular aerobic exercise program
Weakened immune system, insufficient warm/dry clothing	Strengthen immune system:  vitamin C, proper rest, resist anger, stay warm/dry, proper rest
Excessive sugar and junk food dehydration--cold weather puts demands on the physical body to stay warm, hence water loss	Avoid excessive sugar and junk food drink lots of water even though thirst may not seem like an issue in the cold weather
Hanging around	Get up and doing
Limited goals	Specific doable goals in process of being accomplished
Poor sleep, lying in bed ruminating	Beds are for sleeping, if you can’t sleep get up and do something constructive:  set goals, read scriptures, clean the apartment
Negative thinking, excessive worry, mismanaging anger	Positive thinking, constructive thinking that gets tasks and duties completed, manage anger and fear
Diminished  ability to concentrate	Underline and take notes while studying, look and listen while with people, attend to the here and now, focus, stay alert
Negative self-talk	Positive self-talk
Weight gain	Take steps to be accountable for weight, resist temptation to overeat, resist using food as ‘medication’
Minimal regular routine	Regular routine with check lists and reporting
Not busy enough	Keep hands busy and feet moving in concrete reality, be productive
Too much colored light and inappropriate music:  movies, tv, computer games, internet, devices etc	Avoid colored light, keep music boundaries in line with appropriate standards and be involved in concrete doing
Diminished sunlight	Special designed therapy lamps to deal with SAD
Abrupt jolt from dark to light in turning lights on	Lights that fade in and out or even a night light
Indulging in self-pity	Use imagination and dream power for gospel aspects, self-development and get heavily involved in showing and interest in and blessing the lives of others
Interpersonal strains, short-tempered	Plan to be of good cheer, non-judgmental, caring and sensitive to the circumstances of others, offer service even though it may be inconvenient and require sacrifice
Sense of despair and hopelessness	Hay esperanza!   THERE IS HOPE!

2011