A PLAN TO LIVE THE LAW OF CHASTITY

THE TWO DOCUMENTS ON THIS POST ARE DESIGNED TO OFFER IDEAS ON HOW TO LIVE THE LAW OF CHASTITY

A PLAN TO LIVE THE LAW OF CHASTITY

Stephen D. ZoBell, PhD

DOCTRINE

·         Living the law of chastity is a commandment

·         A first step in living the law of chastity is to admit to the frailties of the human condition and to submit to the Savior and his Atonement for both repentance, healing and enhancement of lifestyle

·         Be totally honest with yourself and with God.  To break the law of chastity requires a person to lie to self.  Psychologically we would use the terms rationalize, justify or excuse.  In reality these are just forms of lying and self betrayal.  So be totally honest with law of chastity issues in your life

·         There is hope through the gospel, through the Savior and through your own efforts and commitment

·         Your Father in Heaven and His Son Jesus Christ love you.  They want you to succeed.   You do have agency and it is important to use that agency in ways that will please them

DESIRE AND COMMITMENT

·         Pray for a strong desire to live the law of chastity, or if necessary, a desire to desire

·         Make a strong internal commitment to live the law of chastity, never quit, keep trying

PREDICT AND AVOID

·         Our society produces, advertises and shows off a great deal of information, mostly in the form of pictures, which can entice a person to consider breaking the law of chastity.  This information is placed in strategic places, such as billboards, book kiosks, bus advertisements as well as on all types of electronic screens.  Some people may purposely or inadvertently expose more of their bodies than is modest.  Since there are many potential risks in the world, it is up to each individual to learn to predict, ahead of time, where risk might be and to avoid it, look away, take another path or otherwise ensure that only wholesome pictures and ideas enter the eyes and brain.

       Keep all inappropriate external stimulation out of your mind.  Predict where it might be and avoid.  Do not look.  Look at something else

REPLACEMENT THOUGHTS AND BEHAVIORS

·         If erotic ideas cross your mind, then replace them with positive and constructive thoughts.  Be specific.  Learn to control your thoughts so they focus on positive, gospel orientation, your goals in life, your purpose.  Do not entertain inappropriate thoughts but rather replace them with wholesome thoughts

·         Be aware of your self-talk.   You cannot break the law of chastity without talking yourself into it.  Breaking the law of chastity does not just ‘happen.’  Take responsibility for how you have chosen to break the law of chastity through self talk.  Then, give the opposite point of view an inner voice.  In other words, your self-talk should focus on how you can live the law of chastity and how harmful it is to engage in the problem.  Push back with your inner voice when you are tempted:  I will not allow harmful thoughts or inappropriate behavior!!  I can and will live the law of chastity and here is how I will do it....

·         Replace negative behavioral patterns that enable you to break the law of chastity with positive behavioral patterns.  If you have problems in the shower or in bed, then change the behavioral patterns that go with the problem and develop behavioral patterns that will lead to constructive involvement.  Beds are made for sleeping so if you are in bed lying awake with thoughts wandering then get up and do something productive.  Showers are made for cleansing so make them short and cool.  If being on the computer promotes your problem then behaviorally remove yourself from the computer.  Beware of distancing yourself from others by living a secrative life and hanging around in the shadows.  Be involved with others productively and keep your behavior in the awareness of others.  Keep your hands busy doing constructive things like cleaning, fixing, helping, writing, doing a hobby, practicing a musical instrument, developing an athletic skill, serving others, being actively engaged in good works, etc.

PLAN TO LIVE THE LAW OF CHASTITY

·         To be successful at anything requires planning.  Make a daily plan to live the law of chastity and follow that plan.  Keep a record of your successes.  Be tenacious at sticking with your plan

OTHER ISSUES

·         Feeling bad about breaking the law of chastity is normal.  But do not carry these bad feelings into discouragement or harsh self criticism.  Use appropriate guilt as leverage to make stronger commitments to live the law of chastity.  Keep trying.  Never give up on yourself with regard to living high standards.

        

        If you slip, have a relapse or revert back to harmful behavior, remember you have lost a little bit of ground but you have not lost it all.  Regroup, dust off and keep going on your plan to live the law of chastity.  You have only failed if you quit trying.  You are worth it.  Keep trying to discipline yourself to become a better person.

·         The bad news is:  if unmarried, marriage will not magically make you start living the law of chastity.  Live your life so that you are pure and clean before you meet your future spouse and prior to being sealed in the temple.  If married, breaking the law of chastity is a betrayal of the trust your spouse has put in you, and it is a betrayal of the marriage covenant.  So get back on the right path.

·       You likely have accomplished and succeeded in some areas of your life.  Give yourself credit for the good things you are doing and the growth and progress you are making in other areas.  Keep a record or write in a journal about the positive successes you are having.  Always be generous with appreciation to the Lord for all that he has given.  Make yourself strong in other areas, and set your goals for success so that you will have no time or interest in breaking the law of chastity

       HOPE-----REMEMBER, THERE IS HOPE!

Sexual Moral Integrity

Stephen D. ZoBell, Ph.D.

                                                                                         

Standards:

Over the years, prophets and apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have made it clear that sexual boundaries (thoughts, feelings and behaviors) are to be kept firm according to specific eternal guidelines.  The world’s stand on sexuality is permissive, indulgent, and can lead to serious harm and despair.  Church moral standards will lead to safety and prosperity.

Responsibility:

Each individual is responsible to maintain personal sexual integrity.  Assistance can come from the written or spoken words of prophets and apostles, by receiving guidance from local Church leaders, and through professional materials on counseling that are in line with Church standards.  In developing moral integrity it is necessary to submit to the Savior and receive His assistance through personal religious and spiritual involvement.

Sexual Addictions:

Pornography and sexual experiences can become highly addictive.  Prevention is the best approach.  If trapped in a sexual addiction – get help.

How Sexual Addictions Occur:

Addictions are complicated.  In an overly simplified way, harmful behavior is influenced by inaccurate and inappropriate thought processes.  Harmful thoughts are the result of valuing inappropriate aspects in our lives.  Our personal values are exposed by where we spend our time and where we spend our money.  Inappropriate personal values are heavily influenced by an incorrect sense of personal identity.  Addictions are counterproductive attempts to deal with pain, disappointment or inconsistencies in life.  Lack of sexual integrity comes through dishonest and harmful self-talk.  Dishonest self-talk leads to sexual fantasies.  These fantasies will then promote addictive behavior.  The process is set in motion by external sexual triggers and inner cravings.

Needs:

We all have numerous needs.  In an affluent society basic needs are easily met.  There are higher level needs that can confuse approaches and impact heavily on addictions. They include:

1. The need for intimacy;
2. The need to experience joy and happiness;
3. The need for self-development;
4. The need for adventure and challenge;
5. The need for purpose; and
6. The need to serve.

Being involved in sexual addictions constitutes an illegitimate attempt to meet these needs.  Attempting to meet higher level needs through inappropriate sexual involvement will always fail.  Frustration, disappointment and despair are the end results of sexual addiction.

Overcoming Sexual Addictions:

Many men and women have paid the price to overcome sexual addictions.  The fundamental concept is that of replacement.  Following are ideas that can assist:

         1.    There is hope.  Hope can replace despair.

        2.    Replace self-will and selfishness with a submission to your Higher Power.

        3.    Seek hope and healing through constructive approaches rather than trying to medicate pain with pornography or inappropriate sexuality.

        4.    Brainstorm, search, and document legitimate methods of meeting higher level needs.

        5.    Develop strategies to detect the earliest onset of sexual stimulation.  Then develop a strategy to avoid the stimulation and focus attention more constructively.

        6.    Replace false concepts of identity with true identity.

        7.    Replace worldly values with revealed standards.

        8.    Replace negative, dishonest self-talk with positive, honest self-talk.

        9.    Replace sexual fantasies with constructive positive imagery.

      10.    Replace destructive behavior with constructive behavior.

       11.    Become involved in setting goals and taking charge of personal self-care. Self-development should be in the following areas: Spiritual, Physical. Mental, Emotional, Relational, Creativity and Environmental.

      12.    Avoid and minimize relapse potential.

      13.    Offer service to a worthwhile cause.

      14.    Develop honest, wholesome relationships.

      15.    Create, fix, help, bless and serve.

      16.    Use written records to journal progress, set goals and document changes.

      17.    Make a strict and honest accounting to self, to God and to your religious leader.

      18.    Make reparation and restitution appropriately.

      19.    Structure the environment to make a positive influence.

     20.    Replace escaping and running away with a willingness to accept responsibility..
   21.  If necessary, seek professional assistance and/or group support.

      22.    Never Give Up!  There is hope!!