RISING ABOVE PORNOGRAPHY
2005
Presented by Stephen D.
ZoBell, PhD
A presentation made numerous
times in various Church settings in Alberta.
My
strength is not in giving presentations to large groups. My strength lies in working with people one
on one. I wish I could meet with you one
on one and I would let you know that I know by the power of the Spirit how
deeply the Lord loves you and wants the best for you. I would let you know that between you and the
Atonement exists the solution to any problem you may face.
There
are some words in our language that are not swear words but if we don’t use
them appropriately they can be offensive to our spirits, they can offend tender
and innocent hearts. I do not wish to
offend the women in this congregation, I do not want to make us feel
uncomfortable because of the content of our material. I do not want to plant ideas in people’s minds
that may not have previously been there.
So, I WILL LET OTHERS WHO HAVE MORE SKILLS AND INSPIRATION HANDLE THE
DELICATE WORDS………I will begin with material that is approved by the First Presidency. It is found in three booklets: You are all familiar with these booklets
and have likely read the material.
Materials approved by the First Presidency:
a. Strength of Youth p. 17 and 19, 26 and 27 (partial quote) In God’s sight, sexual sins are extremely
serious because they defile the power God has given us to create life.
b. True to the Faith pp. 29-31 (partial quote) Chastity is sexual purity, a condition that
is ‘pleasing unto God’ (Jacob 2:7). To
be chaste, you must be morally clean in your thoughts, words, and actions. You must not have any sexual relations before
you are legally married.
c. A Parent’s Guide has been around for 20 years and remains
basically untouched. It is an excellent
tool to teach children, teens and young adults about the Lord’s expectations of
male/female relationships. (partial
quote) p. 46 President McKay explained: “Let us instruct young people who come to us,
first, young men throughout the Church, to know that a woman should be queen of
her own body. The marriage covenant does
not give the man the right to enslave her, or to abuse her, or to use her
merely for the gratification of his passion…..chastity is the crown of
beautiful womanhood, and self-control is the source of true manhood”.
Please
note that the principles taught in these three booklets are appropriate to
ADULTS as well as youth.
In
line with our theme, I would remind you of what our current Prophet said in a
General Priesthood address in October of 2004:
pornography is like a raging
storm, destroying individuals and families, utterly ruining what was once
wholesome and beautiful. The title
of his talk was ‘A Tragic Evil Among Us.’ Before I get too far over to the
negative side of the continuum, (and it seemed to me that President Hinckley did
chastise the priesthood brethren), let me promote one concept that he brought
forward. Our Prophet concluded his
remarks in that General Conference address by saying:
And to all of you, young or old, who are not involved (in
pornography), I congratulate you and leave my blessing with you. How beautiful is
the life that is patterned after the teachings of the gospel of him who was without
sin. Such a man walks with unblemished brow in the sunlight of virtue and
strength.
I
would like to echo these words of President Hinckley: I congratulate anyone who goes through their
daily walk in life and maintains or regains their moral integrity. You who work to live the law of chastity and
who maintain high moral standards, are to be highly respected. Good for you!
Now
let me speak to the youth for a moment, but the principles I outline are
equally applicable to young and old.
Think
back—what were you youth doing 25 years ago?
Me? 25 years ago I was a young husband and
father, a budding professional. I was the
Director of LDS Family services in Ontario, my wife and I had 5 young children,
I was serving in a Bishopric, I traveled all over Eastern Canada with my
profession, my knees had not suffered with numerous operations so I played
basketball and hockey, my wife and I had little in way of worldly possessions,
but we were busy and we were happy.
What
about you youth………what were you doing 25 years ago? You were actually living in the premortal life…………
And 80 or 90 years ago we were all living
in the premortal existence.
Let’s
describe our premortal life……we can only do this based on revelation and by
making some informed assumptions…..the beauty there must have been
sublime………….the premortal life was a pristine place…....you were valiant……..you
were noble………….best is saved for last…….you likely knew the Savior…….you likely
respected and loved the Savior…..…….you may have attended presentations or
classes where He, or other great leaders, presided and taught………you were likely
excited to come to earth to have your chance……….your chance to do what?
Purpose
of life……the reasons you came to this earth life are as follows:
First
and foremost, you came to this earthly existence to obtain a body. You also came here to test your agency, your
ability to make correct choices. You
likely brought missions or assignments with you. And you are expected to return
to your heavenly home with honor. You
likely made covenants before you came.
You came to have experiences.
Righteous experiences. You came
to get on and stay on the gospel path and to help and serve others along their
path.
Now
that we are here on this earth, regardless of our current age, we come to realize
that our purpose in life is often confronted by terrible obstacles….the Lord through Joseph Smith referred to these
obstacles as calamities. We are not talking here about physical calamities,
we are talking about calamities that come because of disobedience to our Father
in Heaven………….D&C 1:17 I the Lord knowing the calamities which
should come upon the inhabitants of the world, called upon my servant Joseph Smith
Jr. and spake to him from heaven and gave him commandments.
I
believe that one of this current generation’s most powerful obstacles (right
from Satan who is its author) is the enticement to break the law of chastity. It is a calamity with old and young alike.
Satan
wants to take away your privilege to return to your heavenly home with
honor. When one person falls to the use
of pornography, or to breaking the law of chastity, it is sad. But when an entire culture moves in that
direction it is indeed a calamity. I
admire those who pay the price to live the law of chastity in such a difficult
setting and I encourage those trapped in the calamity: there is hope to overcome.
Satan
wants to take away our opportunity to use the powers of procreation that
Heavenly Father has given us. Here on
this earth we can choose to be parents and have children, either through
natural means or through adoption………..we can have 1 or 2 children, or 5 or 6 or
more if we choose and if we are able.
But in the next life you could have the opportunity to populate
planets. Satan wants to make you a
servant, a lesser opportunity, in the next life, rather than a God who could
have spirit offspring.
Satan’s
approach is always based on lies. He
will use what resources he can commandeer and he uses those resources to
manipulate and exploit human weakness.
Specifically,
with teenagers as well as adults, Satan knows that he can use the media, he can
put inappropriate pictures and concepts in the media, and he can exploit your
chemistry and hormones in tempting you to misuse your inner feelings to demean
your physical body.
Now
remember, YOU CAME TO EARTH TO RECEIVE A PHYSICAL BODY. In the scriptures, your body is referred to
as a temple, your body is the temple of your spirit. Satan wants you to defile your temple.
Let’s
talk about your week. During any given
week, you go to school or work. You go
to movies, you watch videos, you spend time on the computer, you watch TV, you
read books and magazines, you talk to friends or business associates, you may
have lessons or seminars to attend, you will go to church and to church
activities, you will spend time with your family.
Much
of the time you spend during the week will be spent in media exposure, and the
media is where Satan has tremendous influence.
More
specifically, Satan uses media, that is, television, newspapers, videos,
movies, computers, internet, magazines and books to promote numerous wrong
ideas including pornography in pictures, concepts or innuendo.
Looking
or listening or being subjected to pornographic material causes a short term
‘pizzazz” experience in the body. This
is simply the chemicals or endorphins and enkephalins in the brain mobilizing
chemical reactions in your glands. Your
glands then secrete hormones and this changes the chemicals in your body to
react with each other. The pornography
experience can be compared to using alcohol or drugs. In fact, research conducted under the
direction of the Surgeon General of the United States
I
would now like to be specific about the dangers
of exposure to pornography
1. Using pornography is against the commandments, it is part of
breaking the law of chastity. When I
worked in the Canadian arctic, one of the workers put normal gasoline into an
expensive diesel engine. This ruined the
diesel engine. Because normal gasoline
will ruin a diesel engine, they make a rule and say: it’s against the rules to put gas in a diesel
engine. Pornography is so harmful to the
body, mind and spirit, and so damaging to relationships, that there is an
adamant rule: don’t use
pornography. Now, any time you break a
commandment you get the negative consequences of disobedience. In addition, you
also offend the commandment Giver and put barriers between you. By breaking the law of chastity you offend
God, you offend your parents and you offend yourself.
2. Pornography exploits and demeans the human body: the major purpose of a man’s life and a man’s
body is to be a husband, a father and a righteous priesthood holder who blesses
the lives of others. The major purpose
of a woman’s life and body is to be a wife and a mother, one who would have
charity for others. The body that houses
our spirits was never meant to be put on display. It was never meant to be shown off through
nudity. Pornography is an exploitation
of the human body to enslave some, and to make money for others.
3. Pornography is a fantasy world, it is la la land, it is
a fruitless daydream. Pornography is a
pretend world; it is based on false information. One of the dangers with living in a fantasy
world is that a person who uses pornography loses touch with the real concrete
world in which we live and becomes detached and disoriented. The ability to test reality through trial and
error becomes inhibited when a person’s thoughts are lingering in the fantasies
of pornography.
4. To be involved in
pornography a person must live a lie,
a person must sneak and deceive, a person has to live in the shadows instead of
in the sunlight. A person using
pornography has to tell lie after lie after lie. When a person lies, trust diminishes. Lying brings less self-trust and others lose
their trust in the person who lies.
5. Pornography dishonors true manhood and true womanhood. Regardless of how old you are, think of your
mother when you think of true womanhood.
Your mother brought you into this life from your premortal life and she
sacrificed to do so. When you were an
infant your mother sacrificed for you.
If you are a teen she continues to sacrifice for you. If you are grown up and your mother is still
alive, she will constantly serve and help you.
Your mother is a true woman. It
is disgusting to me that anyone would dishonor their mother. However, in using pornography that is exactly
what happens. A mother’s fondest dreams
for her children are tainted when her offspring goes amiss. True womanhood is dishonored by the use of
pornography.
6. Pornography disrupts family relationships and
causes unhappiness and anger in the communication process between family
members. The use of pornography brings
mistrust in family associations where there should have been loyalty and
faithfulness. Trust, once lost, is
difficult to earn back.
7. Using pornography makes a person feel terrible, guilty
and ugly inside. I recently worked with
a young woman and her boyfriend who began involvement in soft pornography which
initiated their involvement in breaking the law of chastity. She said:
I felt dirty. I felt like I had a coating of mud all over
me. It was terrible and ugly. Her boyfriend said: I felt rotten. When they overcame their problem, and
could once more live the law of chastity in its fullness, they reported that
they felt clean and fresh and happy.
8. Using pornography causes a
person to doubt self and to lose
self-confidence in a major way. I
once worked with a young man who had previously done well academically, he was
an average athlete and he performed in the school band and choir. After 6 months of excessive exposure to
pornography, he found himself failing his school grades, he quit the athletic teams;
he quit the school band and choir. He
lost his self-confidence. After he
overcame his pornography problem, within a few months he had regained his
former activities, his success at school picked up, he enjoyed athletics once
more and he was allowed back in the school music program.
9. Pornography will lead to other serious problems, for
example, breaking the law of chastity in more damaging ways. Pornography can easily lead to touching or stimulating
yourself or others inappropriately, it can easily lead to fornication,
adultery, addiction. Years ago, I worked
with a man who lost a family, a wonderful wife and 4 grown children, because of
pornography and what this plague led to.
He ruined family relationships because of a serious sexual
addiction. He could not advance or
progress in the Church, in his business, in his family involvements or in his
personal life because of his addiction.
It took him 5 years to be able to overcome his addiction so that he
could live the law of chastity sufficient to regain his church stability. Currently he is working in a lesser job and
trying to restore relationships with adult children. His life has been a tragedy of losses brought
upon by the use of pornography.
10. Pornography DOES NOT GO AWAY BECAUSE A PERSON GETS MARRIED.
11. Pornography is one of the terrible plagues of
this generation. It stops a person from
self-development, from meeting the purpose of this earth life. Pornography stops success.
Why
am I telling you of the dangers of pornography?
Let
me remind you:
We
came to earth to obtain a body, to test our faith and our ability to make
choices, we came to accomplish missions and assignments, and then to return
with honor to our heavenly home. Pornography
will inhibit anyone from accomplishing their true missions in life.
Ok,
so what can you do? There are many specific
things that can be done to deal with pornography. I am only going to detail 11 of them. Hopefully these ideas will stimulate you into
action.
But
first I would like to offer a mini-lesson on science, on a topic that I do not
know well. But the information will
serve as a powerful example. Plutonium
is one of the most dangerous human made poisons known. It is a potent cancer causing agent. Those in authority claim that plutonium is
used mainly to power nuclear reactors to generate electricity. However, because of its toxicity and powerful
radiation, plutonium is often used for warfare.
It is such a dangerous substance that any handling must be done by
remote control with proper shielding. A
small amount of plutonium 239 was sufficient to create the Nagasaki bomb. Now if someone asked you to store plutonium
in your home, you would react negatively and quickly. You would not want your family exposed to
such a toxic poison. And if you were
required to have plutonium in your home, you would use the most stringent
methods to protect yourself and your family from the potential risks. Plutonium is toxic to the physical body. Likewise, pornography is toxic to not only
the body, but also to the mind, the emotions and to the spirit. We should be as adamant in keeping
pornography out of our homes, lives and minds as we would be in keeping
plutonium away from our loved ones.
So
here are some things you can consider in dealing with pornography:
1. Come face to face with
eternal moral doctrine. Recognize and admit that pornography or
breaking the law of chastity in anyway, is wrong. Listen to your conscience, listen to the Holy
Ghost, listen to your parents, listen to your Bishop, listen to the
Prophet. Pornography is wrong and
harmful and you, as an individual, must accept this truth with no exceptions.
2. Be totally honest.
You can only use pornography if you lie.
The law of chastity can only be broken if a person lies. So be totally honest and learn to call a sin
a sin. Total honesty will help you to
live the law of chastity and
3. Whether young or old, your moral
integrity is your responsibility. You are a covenant person. As such you are responsible to stay away from
pornography; you are responsible to live the law of chastity. You must not, in fact you can not, shift the
responsibility to remain morally pure on someone else’s shoulders. Do not blame others if you use pornography. Take your responsibility. Pornography use does not just happen. Pornography use is planned but it is not
planned openly. It is planned in a
deceitful way. So rise up, pull up your
socks, and take upon you your responsibility to live the law of chastity.
4. Avoid
any outside source of pornography. Avoid
computer games that are pornographic.
Absolutely avoid the internet as a surfer. Only go on the internet when you have
something specific and wholesome that you are looking for. Avoid videos or movies that have pornography
in them. Stay away from stories that
become pornographic or focus on breaking the law of chastity. Avoid gossip.
Avoid magazines that have pornography or near pornography in them. Avoid television programs or television
advertisements that have pornography in pictures or in words or that make
suggestions about breaking the law of chastity.
Jokes are fun but not if they lead us into thinking about immoral
concepts. Keep these types of influences
out of your mind and out of your lives.
Disconnect the internet if you can’t control yourself. Walk out of a movie if it turns pornographic.
Turn a video off, shut down the gossip, throw the magazine away, challenge
locker joc talk. If you can’t control it,
it is better to trash a 3000-dollar computer than to trash your spirit which
has value beyond what we can count. It’s
better to lose a friend than to lose your moral integrity. Avoid pornography in your imagination. Replace fantasies with things that are more
productive like athletics, an exercise program, school work, wholesome hobbies,
self-development, business ventures or service.
You notice that I have used the term ‘avoid’ a great deal. If you were a ship’s captain sailing in the
north Atlantic, you would have electronic detectors that could predict when
icebergs are coming up. Then, being an
astute captain, you would avoid them. You
don’t have to hit an iceberg to know that it is an iceberg. So should your lives be. You are not stupid. In fact, you are very smart. You can predict many instances where
pornography may show up. And once you
see it on the radar you can take measures to avoid it.
5. Keep your personal moral boundaries tight. Do not touch or stimulate yourself or anyone
in a way that would cause you or another person to break the law of
chastity. Your body, and the bodies of
others, are temples. They are sacred and
should not be stimulated, touched or rubbed in any way that would cause you to
feel lesser of yourself. As youth at a
young age, do not pair off and be alone as boyfriend and girlfriend. Always stay in group situations so you can
find protection in a righteous group. If
the group doesn’t give you protection, then give it up. Find another one that is safe. Or go create a group that will support the
moral values of the Church. If you are
an adult don’t have a secret life where pornography exists. Don’t flirt with anyone but your spouse. If
you do, and you lie and sneak on your spouse, get the situation out in the open
by working with your Bishop. Get out of
the dark and into the sunlight. But
above all, prevent potential problems by keeping moral boundaries strict and
uncompromised.
6. Work as a team with your parents or spouse and
with your family so that you can keep pornography out of the home. I want to talk about teams. Very few things in the real world are
accomplished if a person is isolated. We
work in teams to develop companies, to get spacecraft above the earth, to build
towns and cities and to keep organizations running. The Olympic athletes are surrounded by a team
of support staff. Do you think your Stake
President, or your Bishop, work in isolation to run the Stake or Ward? On the contrary, your stake President is
surrounded by a team of great men and women who move the work of the Stake
forward. Your Stake President is the
team leader. So for any worthy cause you
are best to work as a team. When it
comes to your moral integrity, now that is a vitally important
cause. You need a team. That team can include your Church leaders,
your friends who are on the side of living the law of chastity, but most
especially it can include your family, your parents or your spouse. Together, examine the content of movies and
videos (there are web sites that can help you do this). Have the computer in
plain sight where all can see it. Don’t
be alone with your computer. Have
someone monitor the content of your books and magazines and music. There are
protection devises for TV’s and computers that can be put in place. My wife and I have used a swear and sleaze
protect on our video monitor for years so we never have to listen to a
swearword see inappropriate pictures when we watch a movie at home.
7. Stand up against pornography and against breaking the law of chastity. Tell others ‘no’ if they want you to look at
pornography. Tell others ‘no’ if they
try to enlist your body in breaking the law of chastity. Tell others it is offensive; tell people that
it is not right to use pornography. Stand
up for yourself. Let your voice be
heard. Tell others you will not be
involved in harmful behaviors. The most
powerful influence you can have in your community is to keep your own internal
standards in line with the gospel. Then,
once you are morally strong, you can influence, in a kind and gentle way, the
small circle of individuals within your sphere of existence, including your
family and neighbors.
8. What else can you do? Keep involved
in self-development. The only way to
overcome an addiction is to find a replacement.
Take on the challenges of education, athletics, music, teaching, exercise,
travel or leadership. Develop technical
skills, launch goals and projects, initiate a positive and happy future and
stay busy in fulfilling your goals. Make
your life, your home, your community and your ward a wholesome place to
be. Ongoing goals are not just for the
youth. Older individuals have become
trapped into pornography because they no longer have meaningful objectives,
dreams, hopes and goals. Idle time is
not good for any one. And if you will
remember the cat. What was it that
killed the cat? Curiosity killed the
cat. Curiosity about the wrong things
can lead to a pornography addiction that can kill your spirit. Avoid being curious about pornography
regardless of your age. Stay involved in
your own plans to improve upon your talents.
Be curious about your own personal wholesome growth.
9. If you accidentally, or on
purpose, get involved in pornography or in breaking the law of chastity, get
out of the problem. Quickly get involved
in your self-development plan, seek help and counsel from your Bishop.
Repentance is more than just confessing to your Bishop. Repentance requires godly sorrow. It requires that you would forsake the problem
and never do it again. Your Bishop can
help you in this process.
10. Remember the covenants. You are a
covenant person. You have made solemn
covenants at baptism, when you obtained the priesthood (if you are a male) and
some of you have made temple covenants.
We likely made covenants in the pre-mortal life. Those covenants are powerful. You are under covenant to take upon you the
name of Jesus Christ. These covenants
totally exclude the use of pornography.
They do, however, include the covenant to live on the highest level of
moral purity.
11. Never quit on yourself.
To
the parents and adults who are here I would say this: give the youth something honorable to aim
for. Offer them your own moral
integrity, offer them a world and an arena that is spotless and free of
pornography. This is their right.
Now
let me say something to the youth.
We
began by exploring with the youth where we were and what we were doing 25 years
ago. Now let’s explore the future. Where we will be 25 years from today? I will be close to 80.
I might be retired but I hope not.
I think my wife and I will travel and maybe we might have served some
missions together. I hope to have a lot
of grandchildren. Our 4th will be born in a few
weeks. Maybe, in 25 years, I’ll have
some great grandchildren. Family is
vitally important to me.
What
about you? In 25 years where will you
be? You youth will be in your mid to
late 30’s--about 35 to 40. Many of you
will be married, raising families, active in the church. You will be the contributors who will be
making the Church and our society move forward.
You will be working hard to fulfill your patriarchal blessings. You will be the teachers and leaders of our
society. But you know what? If you are going to be teaching and leading
my grandchildren and my great grandchildren I would expect you to be morally
clean, spotless from the calamity of pornography and breaking the law of
chastity. And if you are going to teach
and lead your own children, who will be your parent’s grandchildren, if you are
going to teach your children in the right ways of the Lord, you will need to be
spotless from the sins and calamities that are brought about by the use of
pornography and breaking the law of chastity.
My
dear brothers and sisters, I know of the Lord’s deep love for you. Regardless of your age, you are living in a
great time of opportunity. But with that
opportunity comes responsibility and obstacles.
I pray that you may have joy in your future. I pray that you may fulfill the purpose of
coming to this earth. You came here to
receive a temple which we refer to as a body, you came to test your faith and
your ability to choose, you came to fulfill specific assignments and missions,
you came to this earth to avoid calamities and then to return to your heavenly
home with honor. May you do so is my
prayer.
